Published Feb. 26, 2014 in honour of Tell a Fairy Tale Day
Once upon a time, well, actually, pretty much every Thursday at 4 pm, a handsome witch, an evil prince and a calculating maiden go to a pub. The three worked at a company that provides web chat services for a variety of clients, primarily small companies that could not afford their own support staff.
It was the prince’s turn to buy the first round, so he waited at the bar, watching liquid with the colour and frothy appearance of amber tumble down the side of the pint glass. He passed a note to the barman and said, “Keep the change, I brought in two new clients today.”
“Nice try Bob,” the barman said, “three pints have been more than that for the past decade.” He smirked, knowing the enchanted ale he served would keep his customers coming back for more.
The witch, who worked in HR, stared into her half-full drink. “We lost another two junior customer care reps. I’m baffled by the turnover. We need another company wide team-building day.”
“What do I have to do to get off the front line?” the maiden asked. “What made Gates, Jobs, and other heros of the digital era so successful?”
“You are very good at what you do, my dear,” the witch said. “I’ve never seen anyone keep so many conversations straight at once. Let me buy the next round to celebrate everyone’s special abilities.”
She ordered shots of scotch. Even the bartender was unaware that he poured from a bottle that had been mixed with a potion, left over from Feb. 14, that would cause whoever drank it to fall in love with the next person who walked through the door. This concoction was the work of a temporary waitress with a compulsion for cleaning who didn’t know the meaning of the term ‘single malt’.
Seconds after the three drank the health of smart phone makers everywhere, their IT support guy scuffled into the room and disappeared into the pub’s back office.
After a great deal of thwarted (by Josh, the IT guy) wooing (by the witch and maiden, who decided to tag team their efforts)1, the women2 determined that the object of their desires suffered from a severe lack of confidence due to chronic flame wars with complete strangers on social media. The sorry state of his ego prevented him from accepting their amorous advances.
“What can we do for this poor man?” the witch asked.
“I’ve got it,” the maiden said. “He needs a better experience with social media.”
Thus, she created a new app to make all tweets, posts and other communications delivered over social media appear kindly and sweet to the reader.
And we all lived happily ever after.
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1 which no one has the patience or fortitude to read about
2 The prince wasn’t paying attention when the IT guy came through the door and instead sat at a table with the company gossip, professing his undying love for her, but she isn’t buying it.