My Love Affair with Technology (Part 2)

Oh, technology, how do I love thee, let me count the ways.**

With you, I always know where I am. No need to flutter a giant accordion of paper, clearly declaring myself a vulnerable tourist. With a discrete touch of a wee arrow, a blue glow appears, pinpointing my location on a map where ever I am, around the corner from the new pub in town or in the middle of a Louisiana swamp.

You are infinitely patient, awaiting my call, any time, day or night, whether three seconds after my last flurry of interaction or three days. When I return, muddy and hungover from a weekend of outdoor debauchery, you are there, perky and responsive, eager to fulfill my requests.

Grateful and graceful, you seem to thrive on whatever amount of attention I provide, should I spend all afternoon doing Facebook quizzes or take seconds to fire an emoticon at a friend. You don’t complain, it’s never too much or ever too little.

And such an entertainer. No longer do I fear waiting in line, sitting in the doctor’s reception area, or a bus ride. You are always there, sharing news, messages from friends, cat videos.

How did we manage before every piece of information anyone could ever want was no further away than a Google search box, when TV choices were limited, when we had to wait until the stores opened to shop? I can learn how to do just about anything from a YouTube video, send messages and post rants that the whole world can see. I am empowered by so much information. You have brought me the world, to serve and amuse me.

You’re full of surprises, constantly changing to try and fulfill my needs, with no hint that in later years you’ll turn into a couch potato or develop a monotonic fascination with sports teams, online games or a particular breed of dog.

What more could I ask in a relationship?

Well, if you really want to know, there are one, or two, little things you could do. I mean, if you aren’t busy. I’d be eternally grateful. Make sure your favourite ports are active and connect all your inputs and outputs the way I know you like. If it’s not too much trouble, could you:

  • create the ultimate identification algorithm, some combination of biometrics that doesn’t require remembering anything, that’s unhackable and carries all the information anyone would every need to do anything, like full medical history and banking information.
  • make medical diagnosis 100% accurate, and come complete with a full explanation of the implications. No more, ‘well there’s a slight shadow on your liver but we aren’t sure what it is or if it’s harmful’. Or my favourite, ‘let’s wait six months and redo the test’.

Thanks Hon, I know you’re up to it. Hurry home, I’ll slip into that shell you like and we can relax, cosy up behind our firewall, and share some cookies.

** This is the second part of my romance with technology. Part 1 was the darker side of relationships.

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